she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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