thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
