Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize