this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
