I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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