walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
we should paint friendship bongs
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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