Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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