My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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