I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
