you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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