then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
