Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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