Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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