Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
