he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
