okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
