boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
