the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
only if we run a train.
done.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
