Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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