i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
