I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
