so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize