im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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