At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
