just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
