I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
