Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
