everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
