You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
