what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
