I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
