When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
