You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
