Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
