It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
