dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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