What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize