I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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