my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
