Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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