I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i now understand why vodka
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
