After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
