Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
