dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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