i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
