Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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