had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
