There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
and she was petting her beer can
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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