exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
