she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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