When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
please don't ironically join a cult
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