The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
