Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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