You're earring is so big in my mouth
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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