im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
