you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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