It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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