i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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