he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
