SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
