whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
