And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
