So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
