Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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