the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My balls are so social today.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
