no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
